EUGENE, OR – Despite a 101 degree fever, chills, and a hacking cough, sales associate Chris Templeton heroically ignored all signs he should take a sick day and went to work. Huddled over his desk, he endured a persistent runny nose and the glares of his coworkers as he sniffled and snorted his way through emails and various spreadsheets while claiming he was “fine.”
“Lying in bed all day watching Netflix was tempting, but my job is just too important,” Templeton rasped. “If I don’t reorganize these files who will? Sandy? HR Sandy, not accounting Sandy. Although I can’t imagine accounting Sandy getting off her butt and doing anything remotely related to her job either, unless it involved complaining about her husband and…” he was interrupted by a sudden coughing fit that lasted nearly two minutes.
After a brief rest, Templeton was back on the clock. Despite his glazed expression he adamantly denied his illness would affect the quality of his work, stating that he was getting a lot more accomplished now that his coworkers were avoiding him. “Dere jus jewous I make den work bad,” he said, his nose having gone from runny to stuffy. “Dat’s da pwobwem wit America. No one takes pwide in der work anymore.” He them excused himself to go vomit before attending a two hour conference call with the company’s biggest client.
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