SPRINGFIELD, IL — After conversing with a group of self described aficionados of all things tasteful and culturally relevant, local man Ned Sanders reportedly retreated to the corner of Foggy Hole’s gin-only martini bar to call his wife and share that he doesn’t find the late night jazz audience pretentious, grandiloquent or elitist despite public opinion.
“The Police’s drummer, Stewart Copeland, was wrong about jazz being talentless noise played by mostly incoherent junkies,” said the 42-year-old foreman, who reportedly lowered his voice to a whisper while oscillating his head back and forth to make sure no one was eavesdropping.
“Also, my new friends informed me that an unshaven patch of hair below the bottom lip isn’t required to purchase black turtlenecks, but it does get you a discount.”
At press time, sources confirmed that glasses of ’09 Château Margaux and artisan cheeses were hurled at Sanders while exiting the bar after a few members of the jazz audience overheard Sanders ordering Merlot.
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