Top 5 Mind-Boggling Predictions of 2017

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Trump Shoots Vladimir Putin in Duel

After initial admiration wanes, Donald Trump challenges the Russian president to a duel.

The men meet in a neutral location on a Swiss mountain.

Prior to commencement, Trump’s pistol misfires and accidently grazes the Soviet leader.

A stunned Putin cries foul and demands Trump pay for his dry cleaning.

Afterward, the two world leaders meet at the Craft service table and split a chocolate gateau.


Batman Vs. Porky Pig

With superhero villains running scarce, Warner Bros. Pictures releases Batman vs. Porky Pig.

The Caped Crusader underestimates the Looney Tunes pig, who attacks with the ferociousness of a wild boar.

The climatic battle finds Batman being gored by the squealing, maniacal swine.

Who wins?

The box office.


Cowboys Lose Super Bowl After Ill-Timed Mannequin Challenge

With the game on the line against New England Patriots, the Dallas Cowboys opt to do a Mannequin Challenge.

The badly timed stunt occurs as the Patriots attempt to score on the last play of the game.

Quarterback Tom Brady realizes the defensive line has frozen in place, at which point he tiptoes into the end zone.

The Patriots win 35-34, after which the Cowboys protest the game, claiming New England had agreed to participate in the viral Internet video.

The NFL plans to thoroughly investigate the incident.


Bernie Sanders Awes Paris Fashion Show With Dress Sock Collection

Ex-Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders puts his name on a line of dress socks with diamond-studded leg suspenders.

The combination is a surprise hit during Paris Fashion Week and catapults the junior United States Senator from Vermont into the fashion spotlight.

Knockoff pieces show up on shelves at T.J. Maxx as the public flocks to buy the footwear ensemble.

All proceeds are donated to a scholarship fund for street mimes.


Kim Kardashian Abducted by Aliens

TMZ reports Kim Kardashian has been taken to an unidentified aircraft by space creatures.

The socialite confirms the abduction via Twitter and announces a reality show based on her capture.

USA Network broadcasts the summer-long ordeal that reveals extraterrestrials are a fun-loving lot. No more so when they open the hatch and shoot a T-Shirt gun at star-struck fans gazing up from earth.


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