Donald Trump released a list of holograms scheduled to perform at the inauguration ceremony.
The three-dimensional images were chosen after several high-caliber singers turned down invitations.
The laser-light participants include:
“The King of Rock ‘n’ Roll” will sing a greatest-hits medley to kick-off the inaugural celebration.
Trump reportedly paid $100,000 to have the imaged slimmed down after a portly “Vegas Elvis” was accidently programmed.
“I’d prefer a skinny Elvis” Trump told technicians, “and can you have his cape read ‘Make America Great Again.’”
Trump initially thought Elizabeth ll would be appearing at the ceremony.
“The British love me,” read one tweet, “great international support.”
Upon learning Queen was a flamboyant rock band, Trump feigned a smile and gave his signature thumbs-up.
Moments later on a hot mic he was overheard asking, “What’s a Bohemian Rhapsody?”
Hip-hop sensation Eminem will challenge Mr. Trump to a rap battle.
The two men will go head-to-head with members of the House and Senate voting for their favorite insults.
When asked if he was afraid of the Eminem’s rhymes, Trump shrugged.
“He’s just a laser, my rhymes cut like a razor.”
Heavy metal band Slipknot will take the stage, even though Trump is unfamiliar with their music.
“I’ve never heard of them,” he told one reporter, “but I’m sure they’re huuuge.”
The group is a favorite among suburban working-class voters who stood with Trump, but organizers admit the band’s chaotic style may have limited appeal.
“No worries,” said staffer Katie Borrows, “non-fans can go to the lobby and buy a t-shirt.”
Captain and Tennille
Legendary pop duo Captain and Tennille were chosen to close the show.
“No concert would be complete,” Trump said, “without having someone who served the military.”
As of this writing, “Captain” Daryl Dragon is not thought to have had any official military background.
The couple divorced in 2014, but the magic of laser will allow them to perform their hit, “Love Will Keep Us Together.”
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