MOSCOW (RPN) – Having elected America’s 45th president, Russian president Vladimir Putin today said that he is requiring Donald Trump to clean the Kremlin on a weekly basis “to express sincere gratitude for all I have done for him.”
Putin said: “I get him White House, least he do is clean my house.”
Reached at Mar-a-Lago — where he reportedly is interviewing more mentally unbalanced generals and climate-change deniers for his administration, with the apparent goal of killing the planet before his first term is finished — Trump said that he had “happily” agreed to fly regularly to Moscow to clean Putin’s quarters.
“If he wants his shoes shined, too, no problem,” Trump said.
An inside source later said that the president-elect had been convinced that Putin “really does know how to use plutonium. No assassination apprentice, that Vlady.”
For his part, Putin said he was pleased that finally he would have a house cleaner who did not drink.
“Last three cleaning ladies, you find unconscious in corner with empty bottle vodka by noon,” he said. “Kremlin big mess. Good help hard to find in Russia, and winter is worst.”
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