Toddler That Crashed Into Lemonade Stand Was On Sugar High

0

SALEM, OR – The toddler who ran into a lemonade stand with his tricycle on Wednesday was experiencing an intense sugar rush at the time of the crash, according to a statement issued by authorities.

Tyler Haskell, 3, was weaving erratically up and down the sidewalk in Morningside when he struck a lemonade stand run by Lisa Ford, 9, and her sister Brea, 7. The impact dislodged a leg of the folding table, sending the girls’ entire inventory crashing onto the pavement.

Tommy Cameron, 5, described the scene. “The lemonade and cookies fell on the ground. I tried to pick up a cookie but then my mom yelled at me and I went home. Do you have cookies? Can I have one?”

Janet Green was having a tea party on her front lawn when the accident occurred. “There was screaming and a loud bang,” said Green, 4. “Anna was scared but Elsa gave her cake and now she feels better.”

Haskell fled the scene but was soon found by police at a nearby playground poking a dead caterpillar with a stick. He was taken into custody following a struggle where he kicked the arresting officer and called him “poop breath.” Three empty Pixie Stix wrappers were found in his pocket, and his sugar levels were later confirmed to be “Wiggles concert” level high.

Haskell was given a one hour time out before being turned over to his parents. No charges have been filed, which has generated outrage from the neighbors. “Yet another spoiled brat gets bailed out by mom and dad,” said Cameron’s mother Julia. “My son almost ate a cookie off the ground! I guess justice is only for people who can afford the expensive toys.”

Want to see more from DanaSan? Check out her website at danasansbrainstew.com.


© Absrd Comedy, LLC – a parody site for entertainment purposes only. Laugh. Enjoy! Individual opinions expressed are those of the individual authors, not necessarily of absrdComedy, and may not even be those of the individual authors.

Comments are closed.