NEW YORK (RPN) – Accompanied by Russian President Vladimir Putin, a weeping Donald Trump today attributed what he described as “my misogyny, bigotry, xenophobia, narcissism, megalomania, demagoguery and unrelenting meanness” to his nanny.
Standing extremely close to Putin in the lobby of Trump Tower, the Republican presidential nominee told reporters that his nanny, whom he identified only as “Victoria,” committed an “atrocious act of cruelty” by taking his binky away from him “much too early.”
Trump said he was 12 when Victoria “threw it away, for good.”
He added: “If only I’d had a few more years. My heart would have grown, not shriveled into a black hole.”
Expressing his “total understanding,” Putin hugged Trump. The Russian leader two summers ago blamed his “admittedly cold-hearted personality” on his mother, who took away his pacifier when he was 12.
“Same age as Donald,” Putin says. “Explains many things.”
Trump said that Victoria was the Brooklyn-born great-great-granddaughter of Mexican immigrants.
“In other words, Mexican,” Trump said. “If only there had been a wall.”
Read all the Putin articles Real Putin – a satirical news series covering Putin at absrdCOMEDY.com
For breaking Real Putin news, visit @RealPutinNews
© Absrd Comedy, LLC – a parody site for entertainment purposes only. Laugh. Enjoy! Individual opinions expressed are those of the individual authors, not necessarily of absrdComedy, and may not even be those of the individual authors.