Putin offers straitjackets to ensure safety at presidential debates


NEW YORK (RPN) – Saying that recent polls indicate more than three-quarters of Americans are “alarmed by Donald Trump’s increasingly psychotic behavior,” Russian President Vladimir Putin today offered to send agents armed with nets and straitjackets to the presidential debates with Hillary Clinton, which start in September in Ohio.

“Trump reliably observed frothing at mouth, claiming Mexican attack planes overhead, Hussein great guy, and Hillary is buzzing mosquito, all in past week,” Putin said. “Plus, he suggest Ivanka for VP pick. Really, we need more evidence?”


Putin said he feared for Clinton’s safety at the debates, but also Trump’s well-being. “Vlady’s heart for mentally unhinged is huge,” the Russian leader said, adding, “with exceptions being Chechnyans, Ukrainians, Afghanis, Olympic doping testers and similar maggots.”

Putin recently announced his “Trexit” plan, which he described as a “magnanimous offer to help stupid Americans,” but has yet to receive a formal response from the U.S. government.

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