WASHINGTON—FBI agents have released information provided to them by the Facebook social media site showing that Hillary Clinton, while serving as secretary of state, shared top secret Defense Dept. information with members of a stir fry cooking group to which she belonged. The agents added, “But hey, no biggie.”
Agents said Clinton on multiple occasions shared sensitive military secrets with the group, but it’s cool.
Clinton responded to the charges, saying: “As God is my witness, I thought they were recipes for pork stir fry dishes with lo mein noodles. Apparently, members of my staff made a series of horrible mistakes and mixed up the tasty recipes with Defense Dept. documents.
“I feel like an idiot, but I assure you there was no intention of wrongdoing. I mean, it was an honest mistake, right? I’ll bet you’ve done shit like that before, right? You message your chauffeur to bring the Beemer around front, but then you realize you actually sent military satellite reconnaissance photos to your wine steward. And then you feel like such a ninny and can’t help but laugh at yourself. Ha ha ha ha.”
FBI Director James Comey agreed, saying: “Whatever. It wasn’t that bad. I mean, at the end of the day, we didn’t get attacked by any rogue states and the Defense Dept. got some great recipes for pork stir fry. Am I right?”
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