Comedy Gym: Those Who Can, Do. Those Who Can’t Ask Stu: Vol.26

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Welcome to the another edition of ‘Those Who Can, Do. Those Who Can’t Ask Stu.’ Each edition I do my best to answer questions about comedy or life in general. Feel free to send any questions to stu.mccallister@yahoo.com. I will do my best to enrich your life (or make you eat it on a extreme level). Thanks for reading.

Stu McCallister

People can also ask questions about everyday things in life. I will try to answer in a non-jackassery way. No guarantees though.

Question #1
I am a licensed psychologist and the director of a small counseling center at a liberal arts college. Part of my duties include answering emergency calls from students who are in crisis.

A local coed apparently has been regularly giving out my cell phone number to young men she meets in bars whom she does not want to reject on the spot. Abby, you wouldn’t believe the calls and text messages I receive at all hours of the day and night. I hear a lot in my line of work, yet some of these calls have made me blush!

Not only is this an inconvenience for me, but it would create a difficult situation for someone in a real crisis who can’t get through to me because my phone is tied up with these phone calls and text messages.

Ladies, young and old alike: Please be honest. If you are not interested in the man — say so! You don’t have to annihilate him. Just say that you enjoyed meeting him but the “spark” isn’t there, and wish him luck in his dating future. Please do not give him someone else’s number. That’s a coward’s way out, and it is extremely unbecoming. And, at the very least, you are creating an inconvenience for someone else. I know. –RP

Answer
I don’t think you are telling me the truth. If you are a psychologist there really shouldn’t be anything that makes you blush. If you are blushing at things it makes me wonder about you and your ability to do your job. Stop being a baby and confront this chick. You seem to know who she is. Why is she giving out your number? Angry ex patient? Jilted lover? Maybe she wants you to pay attention to her. Anyway, this is what you do… Threaten her with a lawsuit and a restraining order, change your phone #, and grow a pair. Sack up Sally. Next question…



Question #2
I am 24 years old and engaged to a man who is 54. I love him with all my heart, but I haven’t told my father yet.

My fiance takes very good care of me, and we have a lot in common. We get along great. We have been together for three years and have had only one big fight. We can talk about everything. Do you think dating someone twice your age is OK?- TC

Answer
I don’t think you need to worry about telling your dad. After 3 years he knows. Dads know. Hell, he probably is cool with it. He isn’t taking care of you. If you can pull off dating someone twice your age have at it. It is fine now but will it be fine in 20 years? Anyway, just so you know, your guy is in it just for the sex. Next question…



Question #3
My beautiful 9-month-old daughter, “Lyric,” is the result of an affair. Her father, “James,” has never seen her, except in photographs. His family has no idea she exists. When I send pictures, he promises to visit “soon” — but I’m not supposed to ask when because he “just doesn’t know right now.”

I feel it’s my fault Lyric is growing up without a father. My parents dote on her, and they are furious that James promised to make sure we were taken care of but hasn’t followed through “for financial reasons.”

I have never taken him to court for child support (James does send a little) because I’m afraid if I do, he’ll never come to see Lyric. I worry about her future because my dad was estranged from us when we were little, and his absence influenced some of the worst choices I have made in my life.

Why would James promise to visit but never make the effort? Why continue the charade? I’m afraid my daughter will blame me for not having a dad when she’s older.
I have considered taking her to see James unexpectedly (he and his wife are currently separated) so I can tell her I did everything in my power to get him involved. My parents say I should be happy I don’t have to share her, and not to take her because he has broken so many promises to me.

I have been upset about this ever since Lyric was born, and my depression seems to be getting worse. The guilt and regret are eating me alive. Please help. –PF

Answer
Prepare for a life of being a single mom. He doesn’t want anything to do with you or the kid. You need to grow up yesterday. Also stop sleeping with married guys. That only works out in shitty movies. Next question…



Question #4
My husband and I have been married eight years. Six months before we met, he had a one-night stand with his brother’s girlfriend — now his brother’s wife. His brother was present and involved, if you know what I mean. I am no saint by any means, but this is information I wish he had never told me because now I can’t stand the sight of either of them.

My husband has never cheated on me or asked me to have a threesome or anything like that. He worships the ground I walk on and is the perfect mate, very sensitive about my feelings. He has told me he wishes it had never happened, and he feels ashamed.

We live in a small town. I see his brother and his wife all the time and, of course, at all the family gatherings. I have to get over this somehow. I know it’s in the past and it was before me, but I get so upset every time I see either one of them that I just want to go off. Please help me. –HO

Answer
Not sure why your husband told you this. Have you told him all of your sexual indiscretions? This happened before you. So I think there is something that you did that makes you feel guilty or jealous? Maybe it is YOU that wants a threesome with your husband and his brother! Maybe it is YOU that has some sexual deviancy going on! Anyway, get over yourself.


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