Johnny Football Is A Vegas Party Machine

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Johnny Manziel, sometimes Cleveland Browns quarterback, aka “Johnny Football” is a Las Vegas party machine.

Let’s face it. It’s hard to party in the winter with Cleveland strippers when it’s so cold they’re always stuck to the pole.
And, besides, it’s dangerous partying with strippers in cold weather. Their nipples can put your eyes out.

Johnny Football needs his eyes. As far as this stripper stuff, I’m not an expert. The closest I’ve been… was when my wife and I were out driving and we saw a sign reading “Dancers Wanted” so we went in and did the fox trot.

Len (from DWTS) wouldn’t have given a very high score and the bar didn’t think it was that funny, either. In that way you and the bar are alike. Yes, it was a strip bar where I noticed they had a sign on their wall reading “NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE.”

I found that to be prophetic because the waitress had no shirt, no shoes and she didn’t serve us. I told my wife “This is an honest bar!”
Which she found surprising because this “honest bar” was in a municipality within Oklahoma City called “Valleybrook.” That village, full of strip bars, didn’t have that great of reputation. We asked a local why it was called Valleybrook and he said he didn’t know but they were thinking of calling it “Silicon Valleybrook” … As if it were full of …

Johnny Football’s latest party ventures found him wearing a strange blonde wig disguise. Whenever he’s drinking hard and partying harder a picture-recording cell phone always pops up in his room embarrassing the Brown’s management. To save their embarrassment, Mr. Football partied incognito, and by this, we don’t mean he partied with footballer Richie Incognito, but that he wore a stupid disguise, like this:

Mr. Football may be partying himself out of Cleveland. And who is to say that’s not a bad strategy? On the other hand, he might feel he’s needed in the desert areas with Lake Mead being down and the Goodmans (the mayor and spouse) calling for someone to make it rain.

Enough with the stripper jokes? I hear ya. The amazing thing is Johnny Manziel functions as a pretty good football player after partying. He might be the Babe Ruth of football. I know that’s silly because Ruth was one of the larger guys in the baseball of his day and Manziel is one of the smaller guys in today’s football. But as party animals, they’re comparable. We will never know because back in Ruth’s day there was no Las Vegas.


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