Missed Connections – Thursday – Grandma’s House – Sterling Heights
It was Thanksgiving. You brought the pumpkin pie. It was delicious. I sat across from you at the dinner table. I think our feet touched once. Grandma asked you to go get the rolls, and I couldn’t help but admire your buns. If you don’t feel the same, please don’t tell my mom.
Missed Connections – Sunday – My Apartment – Royal Oak
We had an amazing night together, I think. We had sex for sure. I remember that you are hot. I’d like to know if that memory is accurate. You left without saying goodbye or even leaving a note. That should make me hate you but it doesn’t. I don’t mind being used. You’re sweatshirt is still here. It smells like beer and I found an tiny onion on it. White Castle? I’m wearing it right now. What’s your name? Call me 567-8309.
Missed Connections – Monday- Planet Fitness – Madison Heights
You were on the elliptical. I was bench pressing dumbbells. The guy lifting next to me grunted and set off the lunk alarm. You turned back to see what the commotion was. We made eye contact for a moment.I didn’t want to stare too long I was afraid there’s some kind of alarm for that. I was wearing a Pistons jersey. Did you notice me? Or is it all in my head? I wanted to talk to you but I was done with my workout and you were still on the elliptical. I ate three slices of pizza white waiting but you kept going. Let’s get together sometime…and work it out.
Missed Connections- Wednesday – Isabella County Jail – Mt. Pleasant
You arrested me. I didn’t do anything wrong really, just a misunderstanding involving me driving while intoxicated. When I asked you to loosen the cuffs, you did. We had a moment then. Could you feel it? I did. I hope you did too. Got I’m hungover. I never got my shoelaces back. Listen, if you want to meet up tonight I’ll be at that same bar. Bring my mugshot if that helps.
© Absrd Comedy, LLC – a parody site for entertainment purposes only. Laugh. Enjoy! Individual opinions expressed are those of the individual authors, not necessarily of absrdComedy, and may not even be those of the individual authors.