Missed Connections – Volume 1


Missed Connections – Friday – the park across the street- Ferndale

I only saw you from a distance, but what I felt was real. You were taking a shower, lathering up, using Dove body wash, I believe. It was hard to tell because the lenses of my binoculars kept fogging up, damn morning dew. You had blond hair, I think. It was hard to tell because of the shower curtain, it was like watching scrambled porn. I wrote down your address, but I’d like to know more about you than numbers.

Missed Connections – Sunday – St. Augustine’s Church – Detroit

Bae you pray so hot. Find me for salvation.

Missed Connections – Saturday – Dodge Park – Sterling Heights

I was running one way, and you the other. You were breathing heavily. As you passed me you wiped your brow and some of your sweat wet into my mouth. It tasted sweet and sour. Like old lemonade with alot of sugar in it. I would like to see how the rest tastes. I’m there every Saturday, come find me. I wear a neon green headband.

Missed Connections – Wednesday- Walmart – Warren

It was about 9 pm. I like to shop late, avoid the rush. We both went to grab the same freezer door handle and for a moment our hands touched. We both laughed nervously. I let go of the door and let you have first pick. I’m a gentleman. When I saw you grab that bag of combination Totino’s pizza rolls I knew you were the one for me. I wanted to strike up a conversation but you got a phone call and the store was closing. Before I left I saw you one last time, but you were still on the phone. You were bending over to get some mayonnaise. You had a whale tale. I liked it. I’d like to make a B.L.T. with those buns.

Missed Connections – Saturday/Sunday morning – Town Pump- Detroit

We met in an alley. It was a steamy introduction. I don’t remember much. I can’t find my wallet. Did you steal it? You’re so mysterious. I love you. I’m still in the alley.

© Absrd Comedy, LLC – a parody site for entertainment purposes only. Laugh. Enjoy! Individual opinions expressed are those of the individual authors, not necessarily of absrdComedy, and may not even be those of the individual authors.

Comments are closed.