How To Incorporate More Handguns In The Bedroom

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Nothing makes a man feel sexier than the possibility of blowing your brains out, while simultaneously blowing his load. Here are a few ways to fire up your sex life with a flamin’ hot firearm!

Crank up the heat with a fiery Facebook debate.

Post a steamy selfie of you, your bae, and your hot new handheld with the caption: “Flowers, fro-yo, and a .45 #thisislove” Then sit back and watch as your horrified friends enter into a rousing debate on gun control. Comments like “guns aren’t toys!” and “blow job? more like blown off” will get you so worked up, you and your partner won’t be able to keep your hands off each other!

Turn him on by turning the safety off!

Falling in love sparks a rush of adrenaline, which is the same chemical released when you’re held at gunpoint! So if you really want to get his heart racing, you gotta get out of your comfort zone. Using just the tip, lightly graze the gun against his skin, focusing on his most sensitive areas. Temples, throat, and stomach are all good options, but feel free to think outside the box! (No pun intended). His D will be locked, loaded, and ready to explode!

Make it last longer…with some dirty truth talk!

You’ve got two tickets to the gun show, but make sure you don’t get there too early! Help your man last longer by softly whispering some seriously harsh stats! Each time he’s about to climax, remind him that “there have been almost 900 mass killings in the U.S. since 2012” and “America has 21 times more firearm homicides than Australia.” That’ll definitely kill the vibe just enough not to cum, but not enough to rethink your political stance!

Role play.

Every guy wants to feel like James Bond. Fulfill his ultimate fantasy by dressing up as his sexy Bond Girl and acting out his favorite scene. Never mind that your man works at Wells Fargo and Bond is a trained secret agent in a movie where there weren’t any actual consequences for dangerous and irresponsible decisions. But like, bang away!

Shoot him!

Turn that love nest into the Wild West with your very own fight to the death! What better way to bring the passion back into your sex life than a hot little homicide? The next time you and your guy are having make up sex, grab that pistol from the nightstand and shoot him in cold blood. When the neighbors call to ask what all that loud banging is about, simply explain that he “had it cummin’!”

And there you have it: that magic bullet your sex life’s been waiting for! Happy humpin’!


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