Senate Vote Fails To Defund August

0

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A bill that would eliminate federal funding for the month of August failed in the Senate on Monday. The Republican backed measure was introduced following a record-breaking heat wave that began on August 1st and lasted for two weeks.

Supporters of the bill include Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), who believes that eliminating funding for August would not threaten summer, but improve it by increasing funds to the better months. “August has no national holidays or any important events,” McConnell said. “What it does have is relentless heat that is responsible for a sharp decrease in productivity and a sharp increase in frizzy hair. Redistributing funds to June and July will make summer stronger and much less sweaty.”

Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) led the opposition to the bill, arguing that August is vital to the middle class. “August heat stimulates the economy by driving people into air-conditioned malls and movie theaters. The restaurant industry sees a significant increase in business as well, since most people don’t feel like cooking.” Reid also noted that August is when most people take their annual vacation. “My fondest summer memory is spending a day with my family at the old swimmin’ hole. This bill is just another example of the GOP’s war on swimmin’.”

The bill will be up for vote again the fall, where both sides hope cooler heads – and weather – will prevail.


© Absrd Comedy, LLC – a parody site for entertainment purposes only. Laugh. Enjoy! Individual opinions expressed are those of the individual authors, not necessarily of absrdComedy, and may not even be those of the individual authors.

Comments are closed.