US To Build Giant Port-A-Potty, ‘Just In Case’


In an effort to be prepared for “anything,” the US government has begun preliminary preparations to build a giant port-a-potty. Representatives site recent terrorist threats and our aging population as the impetus. Despite concerns regarding cost, logistics and potential for use, the Senate recently voted in favor of building a massive port-a-potty which will ultimately stretch 25 square miles and be within firing range of most major metropolitan areas. The bill narrowly passed 229 to 181 with 23 abstained; opposition coming mostly from Democrats.

Key proponent and supporter, republican representative from Mass, Strong Dung said, “Of course we all hope it won’t have to be put to use; but I feel safer knowing that if the day does come that we need it, Americans will have a place to evacuate their bowels no matter what.”

“It wasn’t an easy decision, but to defend this great nation we must be prepared for anything” said President Barack Obama, “as the world’s premier superpower, we will take every precaution necessary to eliminate the possibility of getting caught with our pants down and nowhere to go.”

Representatives from Porty Portables and Proctor & Gamble hailed the pending construction as a win for America.

Many citizens are also in favor of such a large scale production. Aaron Blunt, a local unemployed man put it simply, “I just think we’re better off safe than sorry. Plus, they said it would create jobs, and I’m all for that.”

Duluth, IA grandmother Annette Nevins also supports the construction. “I think it’s a good idea ‘cause I occasionally have trouble making it to the bathroom on time. Plus, with all the recent salmonella outbreaks and food poisoning, it could come in handy for you too. Besides…” she added, “you never know.”

One Ohio resident shared a common sentiment, “I don’t get it, if there’s no plumbing, where does all the crap go?”

Lead Democratic opponent, Robert Bender from Oregon had this to say: “I do not approve of spending the people’s hard earned tax dollars on something we don’t know if we will ever need while at the same time cutting social programs.”

John Pass, a Missouri resident summed it up like this, “I just saw the commercial with the family and the dog where they had nowhere to go, so I think being prepared is never bad.”

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