The Internet has exploded recently with late night talk shows debuting what is undoubtedly their most popular segment to date: “Celebrities Existing”. This segment has unsurprisingly come from the recent string of star-studded lip sync battles, prank wars, and elaborate fantasies of reliability. In summary, this hilarious new segment is about 45 uninterrupted minutes of the stars we love, taking in oxygen, and exhaling carbon dioxide in a room without windows.
“Sometimes they check their phones for a while. Sometimes they make small talk to pass the time. One time John Krasinski even sneezed! I do that!” comments Don Summers, local TV consumer and avid idol worshipper. More reviews of these segments show that viewers are primarily interested in seeing their cultural gods preform silly or similar tasks to their own life, desperately hoping to bridge the gap between themselves and significance. “I was just tickled pink when I saw that Kristen Stewart also sits in silence with only the pattern of the wallpaper to engage your mind, sometimes for minutes before realizing your life is slipping away!” comments Martha Leeward, drinker of white wine.
“In light of its recent success we’re looking to ramp up production, and really take the mundane to the next level,” comments Jimmy Fallon, who plans to soon introduce new segments such as “Celebrities Ride The Bus Alone”, “Actors Grocery Shopping”, and “Jon Hamm Picking Out His Outfit For Tomorrow”. “We’re hoping to bring the most unflinchingly simple content possible, hoping to truly break down the walls between you and the socially divine strangers you feel personally connected to.”
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