Recently on Twitter, @mcmannofthepeop started a world-wide trending topic, #HowIDieInTheZombieApocalypse. Thousands upon thousands swarmed in on this, like, well, zombies.
Many with clever thoughts, from @secretbee1’s “Brian Williams delivers news report of apocalypse. I don’t believe him, & step outside to get the mail. Eaten.” to @Davonmagood’s “Being a black man on the set of #TheWalkingDead.” chimed in.
In all fairness however, many a Zombie read through several of these tweets, and thought, “Well, that’s an idea for hunting people I never thought of.”
So, in the interest of Human-Zombie relations, we will focus on how to protect yourself from some of the more interesting methods of execution.
@Doctorwho_dat suggested she would die from photographing the event. Doctorwho, we highly recommend, if you are going to photograph the whole event, you can protect yourself simply by using zoom lens. And please, make sure you get our good side.
@moutzie89 felt his death would come from time being spent spelling apocow…apaca…apocalips…the end of the world. We recommend a good spell checker.
@Scottmaybstoned suggested that sharing his herbal remedies, which in turn would give us the munchies would be his downfall. Dude, just spring for some pizza, and we’ll be chill.
@official_k8 thinks having a conversation, while sharing tea and crumpets would result in her demise. I can see that. I’m not 100 percent sure what a crumpet even is, but trust me official, coffee is the way to go.
@ohdefenestrate, yes. Trying to eat the last oreo would probably result in your death from Zombie attack. Which is why there’s a top, and bottom. We’ll arm wrestle for who gets to lick the center.
@RamLam83, don’t worry about getting eaten in your sleep. One, we’re not exactly ninjas when it comes to getting into a building. But also, most of us enjoy sleeping in, too.
@bigmacher felt his misreading the signals with the ladies would be his demise. Quite possibly, but I can’t give you advice on how to avoid being killed by your wife.
@dentrote, to be honest, I didn’t understand what you wrote, but Italian is a pretty sexy language, and we do enjoy spaghetti-o’s so bear that in mind.
I hope these tips, which aren’t generally covered by all those “survival groups” will help you folks should you meet a feral zombie. However, I myself can be won over with the aforesaid mention cup of coffee, and maybe a cream cheese kolache.
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