A surprising turn of events today, as the Philidelphia Eagles
appointed swimsuit model and missionary, the Honorable Reverend
Timothy “Tim” Tebow, to become the Eagles new Archbishop.
In a bold move Chip Kelly signed the popular televangelist to lend his
talents to the Eagles. “Right now we need all the help we can get,”
Kelly said. “I realize it’s a Hail Mary to do Hail Mary’s in hopes of
throwing better Hail Mary’s, but it’s all we can do at this point if
we hope to get to the playoffs.”
Responses on Archbishop Tebow’s appointment are as varied as Tebow’s
girlfriends. Here are a few responses from the twitter-verse in
regards to the Tebow’s new job:
@DBOAT_—If Tebow doesn’t start, I’ll kill myself
@ShadynastyFF—Chad Ochocinco has more fantasy value than Tim Tebow. #dynastypick
@NickSantiago22—Is Tim Tebow still a virgin?
Other critics lashed out at the Eagles for having an Archbishop
position. “This is why Commissioner Roger Goodell should enforce the
Separation of Church and Football,” said John Madden in between bites
of a large Roethlisberger sandwich. “This gives the unfair advantage,
because they can now have Jesus win games for them. Besides, Brett
Farve is the only man fit for the job of Archbishop.”
Commissioner Goodell declined to comment. He was making his way into a
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