Dear Canadian Dave,
My son is a complete disappointment. He sat his mother and I down to speak to us about something very important. I was really worried, right, cause I didn’t know what he was going to say. He says, “Mom, Dad, I don’t want to play hockey anymore.” Our hearts sunk! He has such natural talent and we thought that he really loved the game enough to make it to the big leagues. How would you suggest I convince this nine-year-old punk to not hang up the skates?
Not a Great One
Dear Not a Great One,
I would like to offer my condolences to you and your wife in this difficult time. Has your son experienced any severe head trauma in the last couple of weeks? If not, then I’m sure that your son is just going through a phase and he will snap out of it in no time. Give him space and time, but not too much time, as he’s not getting any younger. If this phase continues for more than another week then you need to get in his face and tell him to grab the moose by the toque and climb back up onto that Zamboni! That should be all the convincing he needs.
Dear Canadian Dave,
There is a huge beaver living under my house. I’ve set traps but it keeps slipping out of them! I don’t know what else to do. Please help!
Dear Slippery Beaver,
To be honest, I don’t see a problem. The beaver is the official animal of Canada and it must be treated with respect. Beavers CAN be slippery, but trapping it may only make it angry. And believe me, you do not want to be dealing with an angry beaver.
You should be swelling with national pride that this beaver has chosen you. The next time you hear that big beautiful beaver under you, you should feel that pride rising and rising until your Canadian red and white explodes all over the place!
That, my friend, is the Canadian way.
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