Dating Advice w/Heather, Kent & Mat: Get Back Out There Edition

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Heather Kozlakowski is the founder of the all-female comedy show

The Laugh Riot Dolls

A few times a year The Laugh Riot Dolls feature male comics!
To celebrate these shows Heather has invited the boys to help give dating advice!
XOXO


Heather is a single female comic in her late 30’s who has been on 22 dates in the past eight months and still lives alone with her cat.

Heather Kozlakowski

Heather

Letting her give dating advice is absurd.


Kent Tucker is a stand-up comic in his late 20’s. His keen insights into matters of the heart have helped MANY of his exes move on to better, stronger relationships, but still,

kent
Letting him give dating advice is absurd.
@regularkent


Mat Richards is a 24 year old single man with one legitimate relationship under his belt
As well as an extensive history of unrequited love.
His lack of experience in dating is only matched by his bitterness towards it.

mat
Letting him give dating advice is absurd.
@matsdown

Dear Kent & Heather

It’s been two months since I got out of an eight-year relationship. I’d like to start dating again, but I don’t know where to start! What are the guys looking for these days?

Sincerely,
Looking but Lost

Dear Looking but Lost,

Dating has changed a bit thanks to the internet, but men still want the same things. Internet dating sites/apps are pretty self-explanatory, but a quick way to attract guys online is to upload absolutely any photo of yourself. If you prefer the organic, in-person route, give yourself a leg up and spend five minutes sitting at any bar at any time wearing any outfit whatsoever. – Kent

TWO MONTHS! Jesus, give yourself a second! Read a book; ponder YOUR wants and needs, go on a vacation or something. The guys are still looking for boobs these days; what are you looking for? – Heather

Dear Mat & Heather,

My boyfriend’s favorite movie is 50 shades of Grey. Should I be concerned?

Signed,
Girl Afraid of Being Bondaged

Dear GABB,

Not for the reason you think. He’s not gonna “bondage” you, he’s gonna want to be bondaged and probably by someone named Derek with a good torso and rough hands. If that’s not the case then you’re just dealing with the fact that you’re dating a basic bitch. If his taste is any indication he should be easy to please, real men watch porn that makes you uncomfortable when you’re done. – Mat

I don’t think you can judge a person based on their porn preferences. I don’t watch porn and I invented TWO sexual maneuvers/positions! “The Pretzel” and “The Elephant Pose” Real women invent sexual positions that make you uncomfortable when you’re done – Heather


Got a question for Heather? Tweet her at @Hkozlakowski

Check out all of Heather’s Dating Advice Columns


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