Stetson Presents: Ask a Redneck 19

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This past Thursday was my anniversary, y’all. My wife and I have been together for almost 5 years, but only married for one. She’s a tough woman to put up with me, but hey, that’s a double edged sword in a good marriage right?!

Do you have any advice for young men concerning their love lives?-Harriet T., Brunswick, NY.

Guys let me tell you something: treat your women right. Don’t be that douche bag that treats a woman like crap to get what you want. Cause there will be one girl you come across that will be the one. She’ll be everything you want and more. You will marry this woman. You’ll step in front of a bullet for her. Don’t get me wrong, there will be times you’ll wanna pull a matrix move and let that same bullet pass you, but that’s just part of marriage.

Do rednecks have any weird habits?-Zachary P., Chicago, IL.

Well, yeah. I got a buddy who does some weird stuff. For example, every time he scratches his ass, he smells his hand. Gross, right? Here’s his reasoning: “Man, what if there’s one time it smells different and you go to the doc to find out why. Next thing you know, BOOM! butt cancer.” When you think about it that way, it kinda makes sense.

What do you think of the oil field cowboy Wes St. Jon?-Kyle S., Bloomington, IN.

Well, considering he ain’t worked a day of his life in the oil field, it’s hard to think much of him at all. Hell Toby Keith has more experience than that dude. WSJ calling himself ‘the oil field cowboy’ is like Charles Manson calling himself a ‘great person and neighbor.’ It’s a lie and their both butchers. That’s what I think, so get cheater pipe tight y’all.


Tweet your questions or send them to my email: @StetsonAshpaugh and therealstetson@hotmail.com.

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