5 Sex Tips For Virgins From Virgins


People love to have sex. Some even say they’d do it every day if they could. But with so much available information on the topic, how do we know where to start?

Sometimes simple is best. And that’s why we’re offering up the best tips (just the tips) for virgins from virgins. Because it really isn’t that hard (but you’ll need to be hard).

1. She’ll probably want to keep her shirt on, and that’s OK

5 Sex Tips For Virgins From Virgins
Don’t push too hard when it comes to removing all clothing. All the good stuff is below the waist anyway.

2. The vagina is sort of behind the pee hole

5 Sex Tips For Virgins From Virgins
You can’t really see the pee hole, but the vagina is sort of near it. It’s the larger hole. It’s like, further back towards the butt. It’s not the butt though! If you think you’ve hit the butt, you’ve gone too far.

3. If you aren’t sure what you’re doing counts as sex, it does

5 Sex Tips For Virgins From Virgins
Let’s not get picky here, because you aren’t getting any younger and you don’t have time for “was it or wasn’t it?” As far as you are concerned if anyone had a boner or saw a boob, congrats, you’ve had sex!

4. For something super sexy, include a meal in the foreplay

5 Sex Tips For Virgins From Virgins
Make sure it’s something she likes and something you don’t need utensils for such as pasta, nachos or a nice piece of fish. Be creative! Set the mood with food.

5. Pretend like you’re just watching a movie, moms & roommates totally buy that

This is most important. Since you don’t live alone, you need to be ready to cover up and look casual in a second’s notice. If you pop in a movie before you get started you can be all like, “Oh hey, we’re just watching a movie!” as you throw a blanket over your crotch region and lean away from the person you were just in. This seems to have worked for decades. It is unclear what people did before TV.

*But you’ll need to be hard.

© Absrd Comedy, LLC – a parody site for entertainment purposes only. Laugh. Enjoy! Individual opinions expressed are those of the individual authors, not necessarily of absrdComedy, and may not even be those of the individual authors.

1.photo credit: Hiding via photopin (license)
2.photo credit: Pretty Sure This Is Not a Vagina via photopin (license)
3.photo credit: Shaping the bagel via photopin (license)
4.photo credit: Homemade Surf and Turf Nachos via photopin (license)

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