TOP 5 Ways to Pretend You’ve Been Exercising When the Only Running You’ve Done Is Your Mouth

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Have you recently cut a cookie dough binge session short to meet your fit friends for brunch and wondered, “How can I make them believe I’ve been working out, too?” Well here at five simple ways to convince your pals that you exercise.

1. WEAR WORKOUT CLOTHES…EVERYWHERE…ALL THE TIME

What better way to look like you’re on your way to the gym, or that you’ve just felt the burn than to be adorned, head to toe, in your moisture wicking best.

Or do you prefer to feel less like you’re wearing a plastic garbage bag and instead, want to head in the direction of super comfort? How do some elastic waist yoga pants and an old Bat Mitzvah t-shirt sound?

Sure, these can also pass for (and probably are) pajamas, but you can sell it by walking in with a water bottle and your hair in a high ponytail. If you’re claiming to be heading to the gym, make sure you keep looking at your watch because you have an appointment with your trainer.

If you are trying to convince your friends you’ve just returned from the gym, don’t forget to spritz your pits.

2. RUN INTO EVERY LOCATION

Park around the corner and jog into the restaurant a few minutes late. For added dramatic effect, whatever you do, don’t forget to put your hands on your knees and your head down upon entry. Follow this up by immediately putting your middle and index fingers to your neck to act like you’re checking your pulse.

By running that one block, you won’t have to fake being out of breath, and seeing you in this worked up state, someone will quickly get you some water.

3. TALK ABOUT EXERCISE ALL THE TIME

Let your Googling fingers do the walking, but let your mouth do all of the talking about different exercise regimens, equipment you’re looking into buying and how you plan to create your own home gym. You never have to actually DO any of these things. But just by talking about it, your friends will believe you to be an exercise expert. And who would be an exercise expert and NOT exercise? That’s absurd. And that’s just what you are.

4. ASK FRIENDS FOR CHARITY RUN DONATIONS

No sane person would ask for charitable donations for a 5K if they weren’t actually going to run the 5K would they? Could they?!? They CAN. And YOU will!

It would be totally terrible to keep the money. We’re not saying keep the money. We’re definitely not telling you to pocket the money your generous friends want to gift to a worthy cause. We would never tell you that you deserve these contributions for all of the effort you’ve been putting into this exercise ruse.

And when the day of the fun run arrives and your super supportive friends make up signs with your name in glitter and puffy paint, fake an injury. Yes, of COURSE a workout injury. What better way to not only convince your friends that you work out, but also have them believe you are a generous and giving individual who just pushes yourself too hard. It really is a win for everyone (except the charity when you do actually pocket the money).

5. CARBO LOAD

This is your chance to order a pasta potato sandwich on ciabatta GUILT FREE. Sure, you will inevitably pack on the pounds that come along with carbo loading, but heck, you just (lied and said you) ran 10 miles today. You need to keep your energy up.

And your energy will be up for the duration of the meal and then the sugars will sink to bottom of your tummy just in time for you to take a nap in your yoga pants and Bat Mitzvah tee.


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