Paolo Busignani is an Exercise Physiologist by trade.
Meaning it sounds like he’s smart, but no one really knows what he does. He is qualified to answer your fitness questions because he wears tight black shirts and warm up pants.
I am 38 years old and new to exercising. I thought that it would be a good idea to take it slow. Would it be rational to do this?
You have waited 38 years to start exercising so we have no time for rational thinking. Start off by warming up with a 10 mile run, followed by bench presses and squats until you pass out. This will help acclimate yourself quickly after years of no exercise.
I love to lift heavy. My problem is that very rarely do I have a spotter. How can I get around this?
This is a fantastic question. I recommend putting as much weight on the barbell as you can so you have to will yourself to get the weight off, noting certain death if you don’t. This is called the Angus technique, originated during the Salem Witch Trials by a man called Angus Smith. They would often stack weights on top of people for interrogation and called it pressing, which is where the term bench press comes from. Some were crushed to death, others noted fantastic gains by eliciting the fight or flight response.
I heard the gym is a good place to pick up women. Is this true?
The gym is a wonderful place to pick up women. In fact, just yesterday, I did a superset of curls utilizing the brunette on the treadmill and blond at the snack bar. If you mean picking up women like for dating, that’s just being a creeper.
Tweet your questions to Paolo on twitter: @paolobusignani
© Absrd Comedy, LLC – a parody site for entertainment purposes only. Laugh. Enjoy! Individual opinions expressed are those of the individual authors, not necessarily of absrdComedy, and may not even be those of the individual authors.