A-Rod reports to Yankees, puts off entering Santa Anita Derby


As part of his return to Major League Baseball, New York Yankee, Alex Rodriguez, apologized to teammates, fans and strangers who happen to be passing by for taking banned substances. In fact, A-Rod admitted to years of taking Trenbolone, a steroid usual taken by thoroughbred horses.

A-Rod said although he has stopped taking the drug, he has not ruled out returning to it after his playing days in pinstripes are over and attempting to fulfill a lifelong dream to run in the Santa Anita Derby. When asked, how long he thought it would take to prepare for such a grueling challenge, A-Rod replied by stomping his foot six times on the ground, each stomp representing one month.

In related news, A-Rod’s revelation caused Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds to file paperwork claiming a desire to change their name to Full Count Fleet and Giant California Chrome Dome, respectively.

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