Dating Advice w/Heather: High Anxiety Edition

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Heather is a single female comic in her late 30’s who has been on 22 dates in the past eight months and still lives alone with her cat.

Heather Kozlakowski

Heather

Letting her give dating advice is absurd.

Dear Heather,

I just met a good guy who’s super into “water sports.” Any tips on how to urinate on command?

Signed,
Potty Hottie

Dear Potty Hottie

Are “good guys” really into this sort of thing? As you shop for your new Whizzinator, maybe you want to rethink your definition of “good”.

Dear Heather

My date told me he has “sexual anxiety”. WTF?!

Sincerely,
Sexual Confusion

Dear Sexual Confusion,

I personally don’t suffer from “anxiety”, so I took the liberty of researching the symptoms and “sexually” they sound fun!

Tingling, electric shock feeling, weakness in the legs and an inability to rest!

Dear Heather,

This extremely attractive new guy I am dating asked another guy, “Do you have a boyfriend?” right in front of me at a party last night. Should I be concerned?

Sincerely,
Concerned

Dear Concerned,

If you are a male, I’m sure you have your answer by now. Has “attractive new guy” been in the bathroom with his phone for too long?

If you are a woman, the sexual position used that evening (anything tits down) will be very telling.


Got a question for Heather? Tweet her at @Hkozlakowski

Check out all of Heather’s Dating Advice Columns


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