Dating Advice w/Heather: Hold Me Tinder Edition

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Heather is a single female comic in her late 30’s who has been on 22 dates in the past eight months and still lives alone with her cat.

Heather Kozlakowski

Heather

Letting her give dating advice is absurd.

Dear Heather,

How can I best keep my Tinder profile secret from my husband?

Thank you in advance,
Down Low Lady

Dear Down Low Lady,

A novice will tell you to keep your phone face down at all times and only use it in the bathroom, but a real skeever knows to get a second phone.

PS there is no hiding if your husband also has an account, it will just be a matter of who swipes right.

Dear Heather,

I feel betrayed by my woman. When we first started dating, she was SO COOL! I mean, like REALLY CHILL. We played videogames, she would go to the bar to watch UFC with me, and now, she nags me all the time about going on a “nice date” and “meeting her friends.” What is up?

Signed,
What Happened to the Girl I Met

Dear What Happened to the Girl I Met,

The Girl you met is in hibernation waiting for the next guy if you don’t take her on a date and meet her friends.

Dear Heather,

What’s the best pick up line to use on a guy at a bar?

Sincerely,
Not Good At Winking

Dear Not Good At Winking,

“Hi. I’m wasted.”


Got a question for Heather? Tweet her at @Hkozlakowski

Check out all of Heather’s Dating Advice Columns


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