Naturalization Test to Include Drunken Rendition of “Don’t Stop Believin’”

0

NEW YORK, NY – U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services announced the naturalization test will now require applicants to sing a karaoke version of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” while intoxicated.

“The naturalization test is designed to help applicants gain a better understanding of American culture,” said immigration lawyer, Todd Sanders. “There is nothing more American than getting drunk and singing terrible renditions of classic pop tunes.”

Applicants will meet no fewer than four friends and acquaintances at the karaoke place of their choosing. According to the official guidelines, a karaoke place is “any public establishment that has alcohol, a karaoke machine and a platform where people are free to make fools of themselves in front of everyone.” Applicants must also be legally intoxicated when they sing, which is defined as three drinks for women and four drinks for men, and will be judged more on their enthusiasm rather than singing ability.

Sanders advises his clients to warm up with contemporary hits by artists such as Taylor Swift and Katy Perry, and to drink more than the minimum required amount before attempting to sing the Journey song.

“Normally people sound obnoxious when they’re that drunk, but when they’re singing “Don’t Stop Believin’” they sound passionate,” he said. “Knowing how to make stupidity look like talent is as American as McDonald’s fried apple pie.”


© Absrd Comedy, LLC – a parody site for entertainment purposes only. Laugh. Enjoy! Individual opinions expressed are those of the individual authors, not necessarily of absrdComedy, and may not even be those of the individual authors.

Comments are closed.