Stetson Presents: Ask a Redneck 17


Howdy readers, it’s that time once again. I don’t know about any of you that read this ridiculous mess I write are familiar with it, but the 50 Shades of Grey movie came out last weekend, and I’ll be honest: I didn’t go see it. Why? Cause I had a hard enough time competing with Christian Grey while my wife read the books, now you’re gonna do this to me? I don’t think so, E.L. James. I will say I think her writing had a hand in the creation of my oldest daughter, though.

Is it true that country boys/rednecks are better in bed than northern men?-Jenna J., New York, NY.

I have no idea, I ain’t ever had sex with either of them. I would assume we are better though, cause of the whole southern gentlemen thing. We’ll hold doors for you, change a flat in the rain, barbecue up some steaks, all kinds of stuff. A southern man will always make sure you come first. Pun intended. I’m assuming a man from New York would pay someone to do those things. ALL those things.

What does a redneck do to get his lady in the mood?-Walt H., El Segundo, CA.

It depends on the type of southern woman you have. Redneck woman? Dinner at a decent restaurant, maybe a few drinks and close dances at a bar and you’ll probably get lucky. Cowgirl? Wranglers, boots, Stetson hat (haha), a big ass buckle and a bottle of Wild Turkey. Southern Belle? Be 85 years old. Same age as her. Unless you’re into way older women, then I guess take her out for a half price lunch and geritol and catch a 2 o’clock nap. That oughta do it.

What do you think would make a good title for a redneck romance novel?-Henry E., Key West, FL.

I seem to remember a hashtag war on @midnight called #RedneckBooks, but it wasn’t specific to romance novels, so I’ll give a few I think would be good. 50 Bales of Hay; A Walk Home I Don’t Remember; Sense and Cents, Billy; The Romp in our Car; Water for Cows, Beer for Your Cousin; The Summer I Turned Pregnant. That’s what I can think of right now.

Got a funny Redneck Romance Novel? I’m gonna put the ones I used here on Twitter, use the hashtag #RedneckRomNov and tag me to get a fav and maybe a follow! Goodnight!! Or, day, whatever.

Tweet your questions or send them to my email: @StetsonAshpaugh and

Check out all the ‘Ask A Redneck’s’ here at absrdCOMEDY!

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