Stetson Presents: Ask a Redneck 16


You know what’s annoying? Trying to tell someone my name on the phone. For the life of me it’s all I can do to get it across. Stetson. Not Steven, Stephan or Preston. Hell, I got Justin once. Gives me a damn headache.

Is it true that the local news channels always seem to find the biggest redneck or idiot to interview?-Keith S., St. Paul, MN.

You damn right skippy. Ever open your front door during the summer and a moth gets in, then it spends the rest of the night annoying the piss out of you flying around your ceiling light? A news camera has that same effect on a redneck. It’s like a tractor beam, man. Need proof? Watch this video, I saw it on my local news the other night and it was also featured on @midnight:

What does a redneck get his/her significant other for Valentine’s Day?-Ashley B., Bakersfield, CA.

It depends really. An old dude I used to work with told me he gets his wife a carton of cigarettes and six pack of Smirnoff Ice. I asked him why and his answer was “Cause she always gets me a roll of snuff and six pack of Bud.” That’s true love folks.

I’ve been told that there are some big superstitions in the oil field, is that true?-Kayla M., Fargo, ND.

Honestly, there’s only a few that I know of. For instance there are some old fogies who won’t allow cherry pie of any sort or fried chicken on their locations. Why? Simple: the red coloring cherry pie represents blood, or that someone will be hurt on the job, and fried chicken to these same old farts believe that it means you’ll be fishing. Fishing means the pipe will break or separate and you’ll have to run a special tool to retrieve it. Next week we’ll do an oil field dictionary, so get your notebooks and pens y’all. For the record: the only superstition I believe in is that you never swing on a 3-0 count in baseball. Learned that the hard way.

Tweet your questions or send them to my email: @StetsonAshpaugh and

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