Cupid Aims For Zombies


CHICAGO, IL – Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and a common problem people have this time of year is, “What do I buy for my Zombie love?”

Obviously, buying brains for your beau would be like going to McDonald’s for an anniversary dinner. You’ll never hear the end of grunts and groans of frustrations. Only for something besides normal attempts at conversation.

The stereotypical parties, and dining out at local horde hotspots is blasé. This years Zombie, that intends to be the topic of conversation for months, will be doing things a little different.


But don’t go grabbing your shotguns and swords yet. They’ll be ripping their own heart out, and giving it to their partner for an after dinner treat.

Biologically speaking, Zombies don’t require this particular organ, and it tends to just sit in their rib cage like an unwanted piece of third-class mail.

Amy Balfour, owner of Chicago’s Val Mas, will be opening her doors for Zombies and their loved ones on an invite only basis party.

“I just kept thinking, people always talk about giving their heart to someone, so it made sense…after about eight glasses of wine,” she said. “By the time I sobered up, word had gotten out about the idea. Now I’m kinda stuck.”

For those Zombies a bit reluctant to rip their own hearts out, or if their date is still living, beef hearts will be served as an alternative.

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