Lovely Liz’s Must Have Beauty Tips Vol.8

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Meet Lovely Liz. She’s a 20-something millennial serving as absrdCOMEDY’s resident beauty pundit.

Liz Zharovsky

She rarely looks put together herself, but she can certainly tell you how to do it. Get all of your essential beauty & health questions answered here!

Dear Lovely Liz,
Teach me to be pretty.

Sincerely,
Pretty Please

Dear Pretty Please,
I think you forgot and/or don’t know the meaning of the word question. If you haven’t read the previous weeks of Lovely Liz – first of all, shame on you. And second, pretty much every question that has been asked teaches you “how to be pretty.”Anyway, eat kale and drink kombucha. It’ll do ya wonders.

Dear Lovely Liz,
What is the best kind of manicure to get nowadays? There are so many different types. Is the more expensive option always better?

Sincerely,
Nail Trauma

Dear Nail Trauma,
I literally cannot think of a single instance in which the more expensive option would be the better one. No one wants to pay more money versus paying less money – even if you’re Bill Gates. If you are Bill Gates, just open a salon in one of the mansions inside your house. If not, I’d go with No Chip or Regular… the other stuff is pretty terrible for your nails and smells awful.

Dear Lovely Liz,
I’m pretty unsexy. How do I make myself sexy for Valentine’s Day when I’m super awkward?

Sincerely,
Sexward

Dear Sexward,
Your name reminds me of Squidward, and if you’re anything like Squidward, it’s impossible to be sexy. But I don’t think you’re an octopus. Awkward people are sometimes the cutest people – even if you think you’re being weird. Just be yourself and let potential Valentines fall into your lap (or you can fall into theirs if you’re clumsy too!)


Want more of Lovely Liz’s Beauty Tips?

Want to be beautiful? Tweet your health/beauty questions to @LizZharovsky


© Absrd Comedy, LLC – a parody site for entertainment purposes only. Laugh. Enjoy! Individual opinions expressed are those of the individual authors, not necessarily of absrdComedy, and may not even be those of the individual authors.

Meet Lovely Liz. She’s a 20-something millennial serving as absrdCOMEDY’s resident beauty pundit.

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