Stetson Presents: Ask a Redneck 15

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Well folks, this last weekend was the Super Bowl, where the two best teams in the NFL faced off. Now, I’m not exactly a football fan, but I did enjoy the commercials. The game ended better than I thought it was gonna be, and the halftime show wasn’t near as bad as expected. I mean, Katy Perry and Lenny Kravitz? Who’s gonna be next year, Eminem and Kenny G?

What’s the best redneck food?-Alex J., Irvine, CA.

Redneck food? I spose you want me to say “deep fried snickers” or “corn dogs” right? Well, it’s barbecue. Pork ribs, beef ribs, pulled pork, brisket, etc. If you come to the south and don’t eat barbecue then you’re missing out, friend. That’d be like goin to New York City and not eating a pizza, or to Philly and not getting a cheesesteak, or even goin to San Fran and not kissin a dude.

Are rodeos as popular as they used to be in the south?-Kyle H., Salt Lake City, UT.

Well, yes. Rodeos are a big part of American history. Where else are you gonna see bullriding, barrel racing, team roping, girls in tight jeans or even smell a mixture of bovine feces and grilled burgers? Nowhere. Plus you won’t get entertainment like those rodeo clowns anywhere. If you ain’t ever been, you need to go. Get a little dirt on your pants and shit on your boots, y’all. It builds character.

I saw a story on the news that natural gas was causing a man to have headaches and nose bleeds. Is this possible?-Laura C., Muncie, IN.

Yes, over exposure to natural gas can have negative effects on your body. If you’re referring to the story out of Oklahoma, I call bullshit. This man clearly has other issues that he needs to attend to. He and his wife live approximately 1/4 mile from a production well site. Production: sales of gas and oil. At one quarter of a mile (1,320 feet) on a site such as this one, it is impossible that the gas is having an effect on him. Why? Oh, because 99.99% of it is being pushed down a sales pipeline to a gathering plant. The other .01% is used for running dump valves and pushing the fluids (oil and water) to their respective holding tanks. So, to answer your question: this man is an idiot.


Tweet your questions or send them to my email: @StetsonAshpaugh and therealstetson@hotmail.com.

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