Lovely Liz’s Must Have Beauty Tips Vol.7

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Meet Lovely Liz. She’s a 20-something millennial serving as absrdCOMEDY’s resident beauty pundit.

Liz Zharovsky

She rarely looks put together herself, but she can certainly tell you how to do it. Get all of your essential beauty & health questions answered here!

Dear Lovely Liz,
I got very drunk on Super Bowl Sunday and threw away all my personal dietary restrictions. I gained 5 pounds overnight, and it’s really hard for me to lose weight. Is there a pill I can take?

Sincerely,
Super Bowl Shenanigans

Dear Super Bowl Shenanigans,
It sounds like someone got Super Bowl Schwasted on Super Bowl Sunday and ate a Super Bowl of fully loaded nachos. Look, you had an off day. Chances are you’ll just poop it out during your next big one (flush often if your plumbing isn’t great!). Diet pills don’t work and I have proof: fat still exists. You’ll be fine – just spend some quality time with your toilet.

Dear Lovely Liz,
I’ve been thinking about getting those fake eyelashes from the drugstore. Is there a way to make them look real?

Sincerely,
Lashing Out

Dear Lashing Out,
The thing about fake eyelashes is that they’re fake, so it’s pretty tough to make something fake real. Also, have you ever actually seen them on a person? They look awful. Just use mascara and a good ole fashioned eyelash curler and you’ll be the prettiest pumpkin in the patch.

Dear Lovely Liz,
I’m looking for good quality lingerie to surprise my boyfriend but I don’t want to spend a ton on it. Do you know where I can find some?

Sincerely,
Prepping for Valentine’s Day

Dear Prepping for Valentine’s Day,
First of all, your boyfriend is lucky you give a shit. Second, based on the nice ladies in the commercials, I think Victoria’s Secret is a good bet for lingerie purchases. If you’re lucky, maybe they’ll throw in one of the models as a bonus gift!


Want more of Lovely Liz’s Beauty Tips?

Want to be beautiful? Tweet your health/beauty questions to @LizZharovsky


© Absrd Comedy, LLC – a parody site for entertainment purposes only. Laugh. Enjoy! Individual opinions expressed are those of the individual authors, not necessarily of absrdComedy, and may not even be those of the individual authors.

Meet Lovely Liz. She’s a 20-something millennial serving as absrdCOMEDY’s resident beauty pundit.

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