Being Marshawn Lynch?


From the irreverent Tony Clifton to the lovable Latka of Taxi to… Marshawn Lynch?

That’s right, the man they call “Beast Mode” was revealed to be nothing more than a clever fabrication from the mind of comic genius Andy Kaufman.

When the news broke earlier in the week at a Super Bowl media event, many were skeptical, arguing that Kaufman passed away in 1984 after a brief battle with lung cancer. However, it appears that not only is Kaufman alive and well, but he has been lying in wait, preparing what he called, “his most complex and enigmatic character to date.”

In the meantime, Lynch’s antics have been well documented over the last couple of weeks. His cold shoulder responses during basic interviews have gotten a rise out of media members and fans alike. What he’s said, or hasn’t said, has been fodder for sports and news outlets all over the country.

Amidst all the confusion, however, Kaufman’s longtime friend and collaborator, Bob Zmuda, wasn’t surprised at all.

“I kept telling everyone he’d be back,” referring to the countless rumors that Kaufman faked his death 30 years ago. Zmuda later added, “though he is in a lot better shape than I figured.”

Kaufman was open about the risks of playing in the NFL at 66 years old, but he was quick to credit his years of wrestling women as “invaluable experience.” He also made it a point to mention that no one in the league hits as hard as Jerry “The King” Lawler. (Lawler was not available for comment.)

When asked how he was able to complete his transformation into a 28-year-old, former first-round pick known for his punishing running style, Kaufman simply replied, “Broccoli. Lots of broccoli.”

No word yet, on how this remarkable turn of events will affect the rest of Lynch’s playing career. Lynch, or rather… Kaufman, was predictably tight-lipped on the issue.

“I’m only focused on Sunday,” he repeated over and over again, as he got back into character.

League Commissioner, Roger Goodell, was usually evasive, saying that an internal investigation would be launched in the days following the the big game.

“The NFL prides itself on transparency,” Goodell said. “We will figure out how to deal with these strange circumstances… But only after we make a ton of money at the Super Bowl.”

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