Lovely Liz’s Must Have Beauty Tips Vol.6

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Meet Lovely Liz. She’s a 20-something millennial serving as absrdCOMEDY’s resident beauty pundit.

Liz Zharovsky

She rarely looks put together herself, but she can certainly tell you how to do it. Get all of your essential beauty & health questions answered here!

Dear Lovely Liz,
On New Year, I didn’t get a kiss at midnight even though I was with a lot of random single people at a club. Does this mean I’m too ugly to be kissed?

Sincerely,
Ugly Duckling

Dear Ugly Duckling,
This is a matter of opinion, whereas usually my advice is solely based in fact. I don’t know what it means, dude. Maybe it means all of the random single people around you were using their heads and didn’t want to contract possible diseases from swapping spit with other randos on New Year’s Eve. Really, you should follow their lead because why would you want a kiss from a whiskey-breathing, ecstasy-popping, club-hopping rando? You dig?

Dear Lovely Liz,
I’ve been on a strict plan to lose weight but now I have all this extra skin. Is there anything I can use to get rid of it?

Sincerely,
Droopy McGee

Dear Droopy McGee,
You have painted quite the picture for all of us, so thank you for that. I think your droop can be corrected with lifts n’ tucks by the America’s finest: plastic surgeons. If you don’t have the money for that, you could try working out to build muscle. Either way works.

Dear Lovely Liz,
Why is there such an impossible beauty standard for women while men can just walk around as is?

Sincerely,
I Hate Society

Dear I Hate Society,
Can we talk about something else?


Want more of Lovely Liz’s Beauty Tips?

Want to be beautiful? Tweet your health/beauty questions to @LizZharovsky


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