If you work anywhere in America, including Alaska, a tin of Royal Dansk Butter Cookies will undoubtedly end up in your lunch room this holiday season. You’ve worked hard all year and are certainly entitled to a cookie.
But if you’ve worked hard all year, didn’t get that raise, and had the promotion indefinitely postponed, you may deserve to chow the whole tin.
Eating the entire batch is easier than you think. You don’t need years of espionage training. You just need to be a little sneaky.
Your key to total consumption is being a first responder, so act quickly.
When you approach, the lid cannot simply be popped open, as a thin plastic seal spans the circumference.
Your first inclination will be to pick at it with your fingernails. This method is futile as the folks at Royal Dansk, in additional to baking a darn good cookie, are also masters of the tamper proof seal.
To gain entry, use a sharp instrument. Tools that’ll work include a nail file, scissors, a well-pointed pen, a key or a can opener.
Don’t hesitate with this step. Once you’ve made the decision to breach the container, there’s no going back.
Cut it open!
Once the lid is off, the butter cookies will be revealed. The good news is you do not have to decide which of the many styles of cookies to eat. You’ve already decided to eat them all. Dig in!
The cookies will be sitting in white, individual paper sleeves. Some discretion may be had in the actual stuffing of the mouth. The bite-sized joys may be consumed two or three at a time.
Play it a little smart here. Nothing would be more embarrassing than needing a Heimlich maneuver when you have a mouthful of contraband.
If a co-worker yells from a distance inquiring about your activity, respond with as little information as best as possible.
“Nofin!” is a good answer.
Once you start, the treats may be eaten quite hurriedly. A cup of water from the Absopure cooler or Diet Coke will help to beat the clock.
Thoughtful and measured action is the key to a successful mission.
Once you’ve finished gorging yourself, you must flee the scene quickly. I recommend leaving the paper sleeves in the tin and replacing the lid. You don’t want to be caught with a pocketful of incriminating evidence.
Finally, wipe your chin and face. Many cookie plots have been foiled when a crumb was found hanging on the edge of the operative’s mouth. Don’t be a rube who gets busted just because you don’t know how to use a napkin.
When the co-worker’s inquisition begins, act stunned. Deny everything. And by all means, keep the crime to yourself.
Trust no one.
So there you have it – you’ve just polished off a tin of delicious butter cookies, and you can finish the day with a belly full of magical goodness.
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