absrdTIPS: Your Guide To Fantasy Sports

0

Patrick Lechner makes the picks!

Telling jokes and watching sports are among Patrick’s favorite hobbies. He is a NFL history buff who has over 10 years of fantasy experience and has been doing stand-up comedy for just over a year. This makes him more then qualified to give YOU sports advice!

Weekly Picks

I like the Dolphins at home this week against Minnesota. Dolphins are my favorite animal these days and the Miami practice squad looks great! Look for Tannenhill to gain yards on the ground as well through the air. Miami wins, 28-14.

Last night I had a dream I was being arrested by Jennifer Lopez’s character from the movie “Out of Sight.” She was wearing a Buffalo Bills shirt. This is a good sign the Bills will beat the Raiders in Oakland, 24-10.

Lock of the week: “The Battle of the Birds.” Sharpen your claws! The Seahawks fly down to Arizona to play the Cardinals. Both teams are going to have to keep their beaks down to get a win this week. I see the Cards laying an egg in this one, while the Seahawks blow up like a belly full of Alka Seltzer. Seattle 31 Arizona 0.

Fantasy Football Picks

Frank Gore is getting old and has something to prove. This season will be his last stand. If his legs stay attached to his body, you can count on him for at least seven points against the Chargers.

A lot of people will tell you not to play New England running backs. I’m not one of them. Lagarrtte Blount will be in the end zone at least twice this week against the Jets. Or he won’t play at all.

Leave a roster spot empty — either your third wide receiver or perhaps your tight end. This is a very cool move especially if it is your championship game. This disrespects your opponent by saying you are so confident in your team that you don’t even have to play them all to beat him.


© Absrd Comedy, LLC – a parody site for entertainment purposes only. Laugh. Enjoy! Individual opinions expressed are those of the individual authors, not necessarily of absrdComedy, and may not even be those of the individual authors.

Comments are closed.