Touching Tips: Gay Answers to Straight Questions Vol. 5

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This is Travis. He is 25-year-old graphic designer and stand up comic. He wears glasses, listens to Spotify, likes sports and enjoys craft beer. Just like every normal person. Oh, and he’s gay.

Touching Tips: Gay Answers to Straight Questions

Everyone knows somebody that is gay. In Touching Tips, Travis will answer all those burning questions you’ve wanted to ask that gay friend but didn’t want to appear as if you voted for Mitt Romney or Michelle Bachmann. This is a judgment free zone.

Travis,

Why do gay males feel like they automatically have a better fashion sense than straight males?

Signed,
Aaron D.

Dear Aaron,

Let me ask you this? Have you ever heard of Express, J. Crew, or H&M before? If you answered no, like I’m almost certain you did. That is why gay males KNOW we have better fashion sense than straight males.

If you answered yes, well you might want to revisit some key moments in your life and see if they were really as straight as you remember them.

Dear Travis,

I have a hard time trusting you, and I’m on to your game here. So what exactly is the “Gay Agenda”?

Signed,
Strictly Conservative

Hello Strictly Conservative,

You caught us! God, you are SO SMART! The “Gay Agenda” is our evil plan to over throw God and take over the whole world. We start out small, by making marriage for everyone available and calling it “equal rights”. But while you’re distracted by that slight of hand, we’re really brain washing the Pope to help bring down religion and the rest of society with all of our gayness.

Sounds ridiculous, I know. But I guess no more ridiculous than you most likely being married to your cousin in that southern red state that I assume you’re writing from. Use your head, there’s no “Gay Agenda”. If there was, there would be a lot more rainbow flags, confetti lying all over the place, and non-stop reruns of ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’ on tv.

Dear Travis,

Why do gay guys try to “turn” straight guys?

Sincerely,
Looking Over My Shoulder

Dear Looking Over My Shoulder,

You know, some guys give the rest of us a bad rep. I for one am not on this bandwagon of trying to turn a straight guy gay. Though I can see the appeal in why some other guys do it.

Straight guys, you just present yourself in this odd manner. Like you’re put off that a gay guy would hit on you, but we can tell on the inside, you’re flattered like a 16 year old girl getting asked to the prom. A better way to put it is like hunting a deer. You know that the deer doesn’t want to get shot in the face, but it just walks right in front of your scope, like it’s begging for it. In this case you’re the deer.


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Got any burning gay questions that you’d like to ask Travis? Tweet them to @travisspotts.


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