Lovely Liz’s Must Have Beauty Tips Vol.4

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Meet Lovely Liz. She’s a 20-something millennial serving as absrdCOMEDY’s resident beauty pundit.

Liz Zharovsky

She rarely looks put together herself, but she can certainly tell you how to do it. Get all of your essential beauty & health questions answered here!

Dear Lovely Liz,
With the holiday season coming up, I’m worried I’m going to gain all the weight back that I’ve lost this year. How can I keep my hands off my mom’s delicious Christmas cooking?

Sincerely,
Want to Stuff My Face

Dear Want to Stuff My Face,
Look, it’s all about portioning and self-control. And if you don’t have the willpower to do that, then do yourself a favor and duct tape your mouth shut. That way you can touch the food as much as you want and even rub it on your face if you want, but it won’t get into your digestive system!

Dear Lovely Liz,
The guy I was seeing stopped returning my calls and when I asked him to be honest about why, he said my teeth were too crooked. Can I get braces as an adult or is that totally embarrassing?

Sincerely,
Bent Outta Shape

Dear Bent Outta Shape,
Oh dear God. Honey, the only thing you need is a new boyfriend. You do you – if you want to fix your teeth, go right ahead, nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t do it because your shitty boyfriend wants you to – if he wanted you to dress up in a full-body gorilla suit and run laps around Yankee Stadium, would you do that too?

Dear Lovely Liz,
What’s a fun sport that can ease me back into fitness?

Sincerely,
Fun and Games

Dear Fun and Games,
I say jump right into a good ole game of classic American tackle football. No better wakeup call than that. If that’s too much, consider swimming laps in the YMCA pool with your grandma.


Want more of Lovely Liz’s Beauty Tips?

Want to be beautiful? Tweet your health/beauty questions to @LizZharovsky


© Absrd Comedy, LLC – a parody site for entertainment purposes only. Laugh. Enjoy! Individual opinions expressed are those of the individual authors, not necessarily of absrdComedy, and may not even be those of the individual authors.

Meet Lovely Liz. She’s a 20-something millennial serving as absrdCOMEDY’s resident beauty pundit.

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