Touching Tips: Gay Answers to Straight Questions Vol. 3

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This is Travis. He is 25-year-old graphic designer and stand up comic. He wears glasses, listens to Spotify, likes sports, and enjoys craft beer. Just like every normal person. Oh, and he’s gay.

Touching Tips: Gay Answers to Straight Questions

Everyone knows somebody that is gay. In Touching Tips, Travis will answer all those burning questions you’ve wanted to ask that gay friend but didn’t want to appear as if you voted for Mitt Romney or Michelle Bachmann. This is a judgment free zone.

Dear Travis,

I recently overheard a guy who I know is gay make mention to the term “docking” and how he was “getting the hang of it.” What in the hell does that mean?

Sincerely,
Skipper

Dear Skipper,

You’re not going to believe this. But even the gays enjoy taking out their speedboat. OMG, I know, right?! Well actually, who am I kidding? It was probably a 60-foot yacht.

Most likely he was just talking about “docking” his boat. You know that thing you do to put it in park? It’s not an easy thing to do when you first get a new boat because they don’t slow down like cars do. So it does take some “getting used to.”

Travis,

Since you’re gay, which clearly means you can’t play sports, does playing Fantasy Football make you feel like a man?

Sincerely,
I Played Real Football

Dear Football,

Do I feel manly playing Fantasy Football? Not really. I enjoy it, especially when I do consistently better than all my straight football freak friends.

I’ll also have you know, I do play sports. I wrestled in high school for four years and was one of the best on my team. Remember that threat the coach said about the potential to get tea-bagged during a wrestling match if you got put on your back? Yeah, that wasn’t a deterrent for us at all.

Dear Travis,

Why do gay guys dress up and do drag queen routines?

Sincerely,
Daniel

Hello Daniel,

This answer is really a lot easier than people think it is. Simply put, we gays got sick and tired of watching the Miss America Pageant year after year and seeing so many mistakes made on the runway.

Girl! This ain’t rocket science! Being a drag queen is our way of showing those Miss America skanks how it’s REALLY done.


Got any burning gay questions that you’d like to ask Travis? Tweet them to @travisspotts.


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