Touching Tips: Gay Answers to Straight Questions Vol. 2

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This is Travis. He is 25-year-old graphic designer and stand up comic. He wears glasses, listens to Spotify, likes sports, and enjoys craft beer. Just like every normal person. Oh, and he’s gay.

Touching Tips: Gay Answers to Straight Questions

Everyone knows somebody that is gay. In Touching Tips, Travis will answer all those burning questions you’ve wanted to ask that gay friend but didn’t want to appear as if you voted for Mitt Romney or Michelle Bachmann. This is a judgment free zone.

Dear Travis,

Why do you get a gay pride parade? Where’s my straight parade?

Sincerely,
Really Into Parades

Dear Really Into Parades,

First off, nobody should be into parades. You go, and get the free candy they chuck at you, and that’s about it.

But consider this, we have our gay pride parade… and that’s it. Nothing else on the calendar. The other parades throughout the year; 4th of July, Macy’s Thanksgiving Day, Christmas, those lame ass local homecoming parades, all of them ARE your straight parades! I don’t know how you are with math, but you’ve already have the scales tipped.

You can go back to eating that parade candy now while tipping a different kind of scale.

Dear Travis,

What is the deal with the gays and their love of Sourdough bread?

Sincerely,
It’s Just Bread!

Dear Its Just Bread,

Have you ever had sourdough before!? I’m inclined to think not, because you took the time to ask this question instead of enjoying anything with a couple slices of sourdough.

Sourdough bread is heavenly. It is good with everything. It’s not that we are in love with it… well we are, but it’s not mutually exclusive. We love all types of bread. Rye. Wheat. White. French. Italian. You name it.

I suggest you take a trip to San Francisco, and enjoy some of their amazing sourdough bread. Chances are, it’ll be served by a gay man, and he’ll be tickled to give you a whole basket of it.

Dear Travis,

Help! My son just came out of the closet. I read my bible everyday, and I’m very concerned. Is he going to Hell?

Sincerely,
Sunday School Mom

Dear Sunday School Mom,

You can rest easy. You can’t go to a place that doesn’t exist. Even if it did, your son is not going to hell for being gay.

Remember that one time back in college, at that frat party, where you kissed that hot chick? You’re still here aren’t you?

I rest my case.


Got any burning gay questions that you’d like to ask Travis? Tweet them to @travisspotts.


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