It’s Friday night and you’ve had a long week of work, school, living in your mothers basement, or whatever it is you do. Your friends called to ask if you’d like to go clubbing tonight. You are unsure. To help here are the Top 3 Truths About the Club.
Truth 1: It’s All About The Hottest Dance Moves
Dance like nobody’s watching? That old cliche is more washed up than Charlie Sheen. When you’re in a club, no matter how much you’ve practiced, your version of the sprinkler will always be an inevitable amount of sweat. Who would’ve guessed hundreds of people grinding against each other could be so hot? Speaking of hot, twerking is not. Girls need to stop twerking on men because they’re going to hurt someone. I’d like to know how many ACL injuries were reported in 2013 due to girls twerking on guys in the club.
Truth 2: Bank. Dinero. Moula. Dough. Money.
You could buy drinks in a club, or you could avoid crying next time you look in your bank account. It costs anywhere between $4 and $30 for a shot of tequila and that doesn’t even guarantee her clothes will fall off, bro. Then there’s always the cost of munchies because, well, have you ever seen a drunk person who isn’t hungry? On a side note, I recommend pizza. But back to the point! You’re drunk, full and need to get home. Better be responsible and call a cab, which fortunately allows you to pay with blood diamonds.
Truth 3: “Last Night Was So Much Fun”
You had so much fun last night, until you roll out of bed, realizing you’ve posted hundreds of selfies to social media and called your ex. It could be worse, you could have woken up next to Kelly Osbourne or Steven Tyler. Oh and don’t forget about your torn ACL and empty bank account.
There it is, the Top 3 Truths About The Club. My advice on how you spend your Friday nights is to find a hobby and have fun doing it!
© Absrd Comedy, LLC – a parody site for entertainment purposes only. Laugh. Enjoy! Individual opinions expressed are those of the individual authors, not necessarily of absrdComedy, and may not even be those of the individual authors.