HOLLYWOOD, CA – Following the launch of the much anticipated toy line based on their upcoming theatrical release, Pixar announced today that they forgot to make the movie.
In 2013, pre-production began on Trash Hill, the heartwarming tale of an empty bag of Doritos named Chip that lives on the wrong side of the city landfill. His greatest wish is to live on Trash Hill with all of the fancy recyclables, and with the help of his friends, Rusty the water bottle, Pablo the greasy taco wrapper, and Flo the used tampon, Chip sets out to make his dreams come true. Once the storyboarding and character designs were complete Pixar shifted focus to developing the toy line and other merchandising tie-ins, somehow forgetting to hire animators and screenwriters in the process.
“Merchandising is a much bigger production than a movie,” said PIXAR spokesman, Don Walton. “You have to deal with the manufacturers and the retailers, where everybody and his brother has a lawyer. And outsourcing to factories in China is not without problems, like corrupt officials and nosy liberals crying ‘sweatshop this’ and ‘child labor that.’ With such huge demands on company time and resources some things are bound to slip through the cracks.”
Even though there won’t be a movie, Walton went on to say that kids will love the toys regardless.
“Action figures of Chip and his friends are available for $3.99 each, and the city landfill playset is only $29.99. Kids will have hours of fun reenacting scenes from the Maggot Kingdom and the underground worm races, which I’m told would have been filled with pulse-pounding excitement and eye-popping visuals.”
When asked if this would hurt PIXAR’s image Walton replied, “Look, it doesn’t matter if it’s a movie or a $19.99 Trash Hill Lego set, all parents really want is something that will keep the kids occupied. What’s five minutes of peace and quiet worth to you?”
Trash Hill toys and accessories are available at retailers nationwide, just in time for the holiday season.
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