The legend, The beast, The elderly; Many have attempted to capture BigFoot, all resulting in nothing but rashes from walking in poison ivy. We questioned why every search of BigFoot was so unsuccessful and, after thoroughl research, we’re definite it has been mistake after mistake in strategy. And with further research, we’ve come up with the answer you’ve been looking for.
1. Remember: BigFoot is old as hell!
BigFoot was first spotted in 1811, this means that BigFoot has to be at least 203 years old. The problem with most strategies is that they’re based on catching a young BigFoot full of piss and vinegar; when really, they should focus on catering to the elderly. Next time you search for BigFoot, try setting out prune juice and play some Elvis Presley. Hard Candies might do the trick, too. Heck, you might even capture BigFoot driving slow as fuck causing a massive traffic jam.
2. Look Out For Bushes Of Toe Jam And Sticks Of Toe Nails.
One of BigFoot’s physical qualities is that it has bigger footsteps than Neil Armstrong. The bigger the feet, the bigger the toe jam and toe nails; It just comes with the property. If you’re walking and notice a bush full of sticks possessing the pungent smell of Bear Grylls armpits, you know BigFoot was there.
3. Pack Plenty Of Fresh Underwear.
Fresh underwear is a necessity. If you actually get so lucky and encounter BigFoot, you might shit yourself. Face it, BigFoot is at least nine feet tall and weighs more than 350 pounds. That’s like eating laxatives for lunch then getting dunked on by Shaquille O’neal for dinner. And you thought BigFoot might smell bad.
So what are you waiting for? You have all the knowledge you need. Get out there and catch BigFoot!
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