*NOTE: Michael (Mike) Blackman is by no means an actual board certified attorney or comedian. Rather, he is a self-proclaimed law aficionado and comedy fan in general. His opinions do not reflect those of the absrdCOMEDY.COM staff or any of its contributors.
“What do I do after a slip and fall accident in a Wal-Mart?
– Susan, 45, Kentucky.
MB: Buy a neck brace and lawyer up. I once successfully represented a female client who had experienced Freudian slip in a Wal-Mart.
“What happens if I just keyed my ex-boyfriend’s car after he cheated on me with my best friend?”
– Amy, 24, Illinois.
MB: It depends on the quality of the car and the hotness of the friend. Anything over a “7” is admissible. No Priuses.”
“How can I get out of jury duty?”
– Grace, 33, North Carolina.
MB: Easy. Just show up wearing a helmet complaining about how the minorities have ruined this country and they are stealing all their jobs. Or just show up drunk.
“How does copy write infringement work?”
– Jason, 23, California.
MB: Ask Wikipedia.
“What should I do about a crazy ex-girlfriend?”
– Nathan, 29, Tennessee.
MB: Hide the bunny and head to Vegas.
“What is attorney–client privilege
– Mary, 33, Colorado.
MB: If a client has a hot wife, I get to sleep with her.
Need more? Check out Mike’s previous legal advice.
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