On the outside, an unassuming white trash hick, Roy Davis, is not someone you’d expect to be an art aficionado. But he says this all changed the day a random bald gentleman handed him a priceless glass dick sculpture outside of an Insane Clown Posse show.
“It changed my life,” Roy said. “I mean I’ve always fancied myself a little classy, that’s why I wear this fedora with my wifebeater. But I mean some drunk fella hands you a beautiful piece of art like this, that’s fate, ya know?”
Asked for comment on the work of art itself, Roy, a stringy man with long greasy hair, can’t stop beaming. “It’s just beautiful. I mean you got the people over there in France looking at that statue of David. But look at David’s junk and tell me it’s even close to this. There ain’t no veins on that thing. It’s all small and soft. That ain’t American. The artist here is making a statement against them soft boy’d Frenchies. He’s saying, ‘we’re Americans. We’re always hard.’”
When informed that the Statue of David is actually in Florence, Italy, Roy looks over his aviator sunglasses, past his unkempt goatee in disgust. “Look, if you’re from Europe you’re from France. This piece just proves that.”
When asked about his future plans, Roy states that he plans to turn his Hazel Park, MI, trailer home into a dick sculpture freedom museum. “At first I thought that was ridiculous, because where else you gonna find a dick sculpture unless someone walks up and hands it to you? But it turns out there’s actually a store down on 8 Mile that sells them. God dang, I love this country.”
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