United States-Mexico Zombie Border Issues


Murrieta, CA – Protestors have lined the back roads outside a secluded dilapidated home bordering a favorite campsite close to Mexico.

A “concerned citizen,” weeks earlier, notified local Pinal County Sheriff Richard Grimes, who quickly called a press conference.

Sheriff Grimes stated, “There have been numerous reports of zombies along and around the Mexican border, most likely trying to get into America.”

Rep. John Daily, D-Arizona, denies that any zombies have been seen anywhere near the Mexican border.

“It’s all hearsay at this point. One man at the protest reportedly offered to check out a “zombie” noise and disappeared.” Said Rep. Daily, “Police say he’s fine, he actually had just got bored and left.”

United States-Mexico Zombie Border Issues

Government denies any zombies at the border

Reports and rumors of zombies using the Mexican border to crossover for American “brains” are nothing new.

“It’s been happening for years. I know a family, all their brains were eaten.” said Daryl, who lives in the area.

Local officials cannot confirm any such family missing brains.

Americans are torn on the border issue.

“Most Mexican zombies tend to be younger.” Said Mary, mom of 5. “Maybe they are fleeing violence, or they ran out of food. But I think most just want a better zombie life, and reunite with their families, living or dead. ”

“Mexican zombies don’t belong here,” emphasized Daryl, “I say send them all back to where they came from.”

As tensions rise, Tea Party Member and guns right activist Daniel Swift offers a different point of view.

“Our President would let every zombie into America if he could. We need to protect our borders.”

The White House has officially denied any involvement in covering up zombie movements. They wish to assure the public that not every zombie meets the criteria for asylum admission into the United States. Those that do not, are being processed and sent packing.

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