WASHINGTON (RPN) — Russian president Vladimir Putin’s historic White House visit hit a snag today when Putin refused to spend the night in the Lincoln Bedroom, where visiting heads of state traditionally sleep.
“No way,” said Putin. “You think I not study American history? I know what your crazies did to Abe.”
“That was in Ford’s Theater,” President Obama said. “and it was a lone gunman.”
“Semantics,” the Russian leader responded. “What about Garfield?”
“The cartoon cat?” Obama said.
“Your 20th president.”
“Oh, right,” Obama said. “Sorry, most people have forgotten about him. Like most of U.S. history. Anyway, he was assassinated in the Sixth Street Station, not here.”
“They didn’t get him.”
“You see my point, comrade Barack,” Putin said. “And you think we have issues with murder? Anyway, I think I’ll sleep in the Motel 6. I hear they leave the light on for you. But I’ll be back for breakfast. You have a food taster, I assume.”
The U.S. president tried to convince Putin that such extreme measures are not required in America, “land of the brave and home of the free.”
Putin seemed surprised. “Really?” he said. “That’s now what Eddie tells me.”
Former NSA employee Edward Snowden is traveling with Putin on his cross-America tour, which wraps up tomorrow here in the American capitol. Last stop was in Las Vegas, where Putin unveiled his magic act.
RPN was unable to confirm reports that Putin has asked the U.S. president to be his guest in Moscow and Obama has accepted, “provided you keep that a****** Snowden out of my face. He sank me in the polls.”
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